Cindy Donaldson (00:01.184)
Hey everybody, welcome to the Cindy Donaldson show. I am your host, Cindy Donaldson. And if you are in a place where you're just not sure what's going on in your life, what to do next, maybe you're feeling like you're in limbo on the hamster wheel, you're in the perfect place. Because today I want to talk about something that I call the gut check. Like how do you really know if what you're doing is the right thing?
So many people come to me at this point in their life, right? They are either in a career that they don't like, in a relationship they don't like, and they're like, I just don't know if it's the right thing, if I should stay or if I should go. So I've been there a lot and I've not pulled the trigger when I should have pulled the trigger. And, but more importantly, I've stayed in situations that I shouldn't have stayed in because I was afraid of what was on the other side. So let's talk about it.
One, I want to talk about relationships because I think this is really important, especially toxic, abusive relationships. I am not a therapist. I am not a psychiatrist. I'm not a social worker. I just am a girl who was in a bad relationship and I stayed there too long because I was afraid of what was on the other side. And my gut told me on the day that I got married that it was a bad thing.
I literally stood in the back of the church and told my dad, I don't want to do this. And he said, it's already paid for, we're here, you're doing it. I was pregnant with my first child, Catholic. That's what you did, you know, back in the eighties, right? And I let that societal pressure get to me. And I would have been far better off if I had raised that child on my own. Now, on the flip side, I wouldn't have my son, whom I adore. So maybe things happen for a reason.
But I stayed in that relationship for a very long time and it was abusive because I was afraid of what was on the other side. And some of those were quite valid. My ex-husband had a lot of family in Arizona and he had threatened that he would take the kids and go to Mexico and I would never see them again. And so I stayed until my kids were, I think my daughter was 15, my son was 13, and my daughter came to me and she's like, you have to leave.
Cindy Donaldson (02:22.805)
and that broke my soul and it was that rock bottom point where I was like, okay, enough is enough.
My point in all this is you have that gut feeling, those spidey senses that tell you when something doesn't align with your mission, vision and values, when it's just not right for you, and I'm telling you, you should listen to them. There's a lot of science behind all of this, how your gut is connected to your brain, and I'm not gonna go into all that, because again, I'm not a neuroscientist, but I have done a lot of research on this, and that gut feeling is there for a reason.
So that is, I'm glad we talked about the relationship thing because, you again, beyond the fact that he was very abusive and it was toxic and all of us have been in therapy ever since that. But it is the fact that life is far too short to stay in a place that doesn't make you happy, that doesn't serve you. I'm not saying if you have troubles in a relationship that you shouldn't try to work them out because every relationship has troubles. That's not it.
This was a bad situation that I needed to get out of. And I eventually did and I met the love of my life and my kids are doing great and it all worked out. But it was a long haul with a lot of really bad spots.
So now that we've gotten that out of the way, I want to talk about some lighter things. people often ask me, it's like, how do you make these big decisions in your life? Like how? Like selling the house and everything in it to go live in an RV full time or acquiring a company at the age of 62 or encouraging my kids to get married in Ireland or, you know, leaving a really successful job to go out on my own.
Cindy Donaldson (04:17.674)
And it all comes back to one, I don't like living in Limbo land. I think Limbo land is a really scary place because it consumes you. It consumes me. So I learned a very long time ago that if you make a decision, it's not like, well, I shouldn't say it's not like, it's rarely a life and death decision that you can't turn around and make another decision and go the other way. As my
current mentor likes to tell me, Siti, if you go left, you can always turn around and go right. So I kind of live by that motto that I'd rather be decisive and make a decision and see what happens. And if it doesn't work out the way that I want it to work out or the way that I like it or anticipate, I can always adjust, shift, pivot, and go the other way. And that's okay. Because rarely, rarely is it a life or death decision.
And I can tell you that of all the people that I've coached in my life and mentored and all of the workshops and the speaking engagements I've done, this is the thing that comes up the most is like, how do you know? And I was like, there's no magic ball with all of this. There's no crystal ball where you can look in it and you can see the future. You don't know. What you have to do is you have to look inside yourself and say, okay, how does this make me feel?
Does it align with my mission, vision, and values? Is it going to make me happy? Is it going to lead me to be in a better place? Is it something that I've always really wanted to do? And that's when you have to do the gut check on the scared thing. So I talked about the spidey sense. I talked about the gut thing. There's a huge difference between being afraid of something because it's absolutely the wrong thing you should do. And you just get that sinking feeling like,
Ew, this just doesn't align with me. And I've had that situation like with clients. You know what? You don't align with my mission, vision, and values. You're just not the right company for me. You're not the right client.
Cindy Donaldson (06:29.149)
No, it's a hard pass. People, I'm very intuitive when it comes to this and I'm a very trusting person. So I give people the benefit of the doubt. And there's a huge downside to that, right? Because people have taken advantage of me because I trusted them until they failed me. And once that happens, I often have a hard path. Like I have a hard line in the sand. Like, no, you cross that line or not going back.
And I'm that way with family members too. I have family members that I've cut out of my life and I'll probably never talk to again and I'm okay with that. So there's that kind of you've crossed the line, be it ethically, morally, whatever. And you know, and now I have a better gut sense when I go into situations where it's like, something's not right here, I'm going away versus
Ooh, that makes me a little scared. And I actually had this conversation with my mentor on Saturday about me. And he's like, Cindy, I want you to go outside your comfort zone this week. And if you're scared, I want you to push a little harder because he knows that I'm very capable of some things that are on my plate right now. And I'm feeling overwhelmed. Just being honest, I've got a lot going on. And I'm also traveling in a couple of weeks to Europe for my son's wedding.
So there's a lot and he's like, Cindy, now is the time that you need to push. Uncomfortable. Do that dot check. Is it something that aligns with your mission, vision and values? Is something that's going to get you to a better place? You need to push 10 times harder. Go so outside that comfort zone that you're kind of like having the heebie-jeebies in a good way. So I have learned throughout my life, the bad gut feeling, toxic relationships, people that
just aren't gonna serve me, clients that aren't gonna serve me, things that aren't gonna serve me. And this even goes down to like how I act on a daily basis. So here in the States, it was the 4th of July, a holiday weekend. We had a three-day weekend. Now I own my own business, so I work whenever. But the majority of my friends and family had a three-day weekend. And on Friday, which was the holiday,
Cindy Donaldson (08:54.601)
My girlfriend called and wanted to, no, on Thursday night, she wanted to go to some kind of a concert and then there was a Bluegrass Festival weekend and I needed to recharge. I have been going, going, going. I have a lot on my plate, like I just said, and I said, you know what? No, no, love you, but this is just, I need a break. I need my extreme extrovert in me goes like.
like a rocket sometimes and I have all this energy built up and I go and I blast off. But at some point, like the rocket dies out and I need to recharge. So in that case, my gut was telling me, Cindy, you can't feel guilty about saying no to your best friend. I know she really wants to spend time with you. I know that she really wants to go to this thing, but I need to serve me right now because I have a lot on my plate. I just
You know, I know that I need to go outside my comfort zone and do a lot of work. I'm in a big sales push with one of my companies. I needed to recharge. And so I took that day to sit outside in the sun and read a trashy novel. I did a little bit of gardening at my daughter's house. I just relaxed because that's what was important to me. So that's how I made that decision. Bigger decisions like acquiring a company at the age of 62.
I go through that pros and cons list. I was like, okay, what are the pros if I do this? What are the cons? What's the worst thing that happens if I go down this path? What if I invest a lot of money and I lose it? Can I afford to do that? Well, if you've been around me a hot minute, you know that I can't and the I can afford things really just isn't in my vocabulary. I always figure it out. So if I see something I want,
I don't say I can't afford it, regardless what my bank account says. I said to myself, I'll figure out how to do it. So the money part of it wasn't as much of a concern. Plus there wasn't a huge upfront investment with this company. So the risk was very low. The high risk part was my time, right? It was adding one more thing to my plate, something that I knew I'd have to park the RV for a time, come back to Connecticut, which is where I am now.
Cindy Donaldson (11:18.236)
to connect with all the customers and get my, you know, my sea legs on ground and just get it moving. So that's how I make those decisions. I literally make a list, the pros and the cons, and back to that gut check. Does this align with my mission, vision and values? Is it gonna put me in a better place? Am I gonna have fun with it? I'm 62 years old. If it's not gonna be fun in my life, I don't wanna fricking do it. Now I know there are certain things, you know, that people have to do, like I have to...
do billing today and I have to reconcile some accounts and like I said, I was talking to my mentor. I've to do some stuff that's outside my comfort zone, but I know me. I know once I get into the depths of that uncomfortable stuff, I know that I'm super freaking capable. I know that I'll be fine. I know that I'll stumble and I'll learn some things, but I'll like it once I get in there. Like I know I'll like it.
It's just the getting started thing. It's like anything in life. It's like going to the gym. It's always really uncomfortable the first couple of weeks. The first couple of days are just absolutely horrendous, right? Just getting there and then you're sore. But then after a while, it's kind of fun. It's like running. It's, know, the first couple of miles are miserable. And then mile five, six, seven, eight, you zoom in and then it doesn't get uncomfortable again until a mile of like 25. But.
Once you start to really become self-aware of who you are and what's important in your life and what you want out of life, you know, I harp on this bucket list thing. Have the things on the list. When you really know what makes you happy and when you know what your mission, vision, and values are and those lines you will not cross and the lines you will not let other people cross, so much clarity comes into your life.
So much clarity. And then this gut check thing becomes very simple. It really, really does. So mission, vision, and values, is it going to make you happy? Is it going to serve you in a positive way?
Cindy Donaldson (13:27.236)
Now, the other question that I get with all of this is like, what if people tell me I'm crazy?
Again, if you've been with me a hot while, you know that what somebody else thinks about you doesn't matter. In the end, the only thing that matters is what you think about yourself.
I can't even count the number of times somebody has told me that I'm crazy. And then after I accomplished whatever they think was crazy, they're like, my God, that's amazing. I wish I could do what you do, right? So it's that judgment before where the, it's a really internal judgment on their part where, you know, they look at you and like internally, they're like, God, I wish I had the courage to do those things.
because their fear, they're projecting it on me.
So I am decisive because I would rather try something and say, I gave it a whirl. And then if it didn't work out, okay, like zero regrets. That's the goal. Do I have regrets in my life? Yes, absolutely. Staying in that marriage longer than I should have. Staying in businesses longer than I should have. Maybe not sticking,
Cindy Donaldson (14:50.752)
certain things out long enough to see. Like maybe I folded too soon, I didn't hold it long enough. But I tried, right? I tried. And at that time, I did my best and I made a decision.
Cindy Donaldson (15:08.805)
I've made a decision. We all are 100 % responsible for the decisions that we make.
It's nobody else. It's nobody else. Meaning that you can't wait around for somebody to make decisions for you. Follow your gut. Say yes or no. Get out of limbaland. The maybe land is so awful for so many people. And you get stuck there and that's where the anxiety happens. And I'm sure you've all gone through that. Like, you know,
You fret over something and you fret and you fret and you fret and it keeps you up at night and the anxiety and the depression it it balloons and then you finally make a decision and it's like the weight of a million pounds is off your chest. That's limbo land. So yes, I'm decisive. I make the decision. I make the decision. Sometimes those decisions do not turn out how I thought. In fact, many of them have.
But I made the decision. And all of those little decisions have added up to who I am today, to where I am.
And some of those decisions have been really bold and some have been as simple as today. Cindy, it's time to do a podcast. You haven't done one in three weeks because you've had all this stuff going on and you needed to prioritize certain things and you, you you fizzled out and you need to do a podcast. It's time. I've had my, my content list of all the things that I've wanted to talk about. I've been driving in the car talking about this subject to myself. I was like, it's time. So.
Cindy Donaldson (16:53.091)
I got dressed, sat down at my computer, blurred out the messy background in the back, and here I am. And when I'm done, I'm going to feel accomplished.
Is the video perfect? Are my words perfect? No, it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. I made a decision and I move forward. So my challenge for you this week is to make a damn decision, is to get out of that limbo land and learn how to really start trusting your gut. Like look back in your life and say, okay, why did I make that decision? And if it was decision that you aren't happy with, again, I don't really like that word regret, but
If it's a decision that you didn't like the outcome of, what was your gut telling you at that time, if you can remember? Did you have the heebie-jeebies like, ooh, I don't really think I should do this, this isn't for me? And then think of a time that you had that, I'm really scared, I'm really scared, but you did it and it turned out fantastic. Now compare those two feelings. Like those are the two separate gut checks that you need to learn.
what they are.
abusive relationship, gotta get the hell out. Launching a new business at the age of 62. One is, this is your flight or fight, like you need to go. You need to go. Bad relationship, gotta go. Launching a new business, this is scary, but it could be really cool, and what's the worst thing that's gonna happen? What's the worst thing that's gonna happen?
Cindy Donaldson (18:33.998)
I'm gonna leave you with this.
Cindy Donaldson (18:38.249)
We only have so much time in our life. Your time here on earth is finite. Now, whether you believe in life after death or not, it doesn't matter. Where you are right now, time is finite. And we waste so much of it worrying about shit that we don't need to worry about. Staying in limbo land, make the decision. Make the decision and know that if you turn right, 99.9 % of the time,
You can turn around and go left.
Cindy Donaldson (19:11.607)
Rarely is it a life or death situation. Rarely. And even then, you've got to make the decision. You've to make a decision. And it's okay. It's okay. If you really struggle with this and you're looking to do some one-on-one coaching, every year I take one or two new clients and I do have an opening. So if that's something that interests you and you want to dive further into it to see if we're a right fit,
You can email me at cindy at cindy-donaldson.com or you can text me and say, Cindy, I want to work with you. Don't forget to leave your name to 860-921-6449. And I also have my Courage Formula Foundations group coaching program coming up in the fall. It's starting on September 3rd. This sells out every single year. Every, well, I usually do it twice a year. Sells out every time. I limit it to 10 people.
And it is a transformational 12 week program. Like it's so much fun because the people that join the program and interact with it become friends, become confidants. And it kind of evolves like a mastermind group. And I've just loved to see the transformations of people who have gone through this program. All the information about it is on my website, www.
Cindy-Donaldson.com. So you can actually just grab a spot there, or if you want to do a strategy call with me, all the information is there to grab a spot on my calendar. But it will sell out. I'm trying to wrap it all up before I head over to Europe. And lastly, thank you for joining me on this journey of discovering who we are. Again, I'm Cindy Donaldson, host of the Cindy Donaldson show.
I hope to see you next week. Take care. Bye.
