Cindy (00:01.39)
Hey everybody, it's Cindy and welcome to the Cindy Donaldson show. If you are in a space in your life where you feel stuck, unmotivated, maybe you're on the hamster wheel, you're in the right place. Today, I want to talk about something that I actually talk about a lot in my writing. I talk a lot about this with my clients and it's something that truly drives me almost every day. And it's the difference between wanting something and actually taking action to do it.
But today I want to have a little different spin on it. I actually was watching a podcast with my friend Mel Robbins. I wish she was a friend, but I actually have a story on that in a little bit, but she had Jay Shetty on her podcast. Now, if you don't know Jay, he wrote a book called Think Like a Monk. Get it on audio. It's an amazing book. His voice is incredible, but he shares his story, how he went to an ashram and became a monk for, I think it was like three years. It's been a hot minute since I read the book, but.
He was on Mel's podcast and he had this, he said this, and I'm going to read it. The version of you today is part of the dream that you used to wish for. You are living it. You just haven't zoomed out far enough to see it. Now I wrote about this in my email on yesterday and got quite a bit of feedback from it saying, wow, that one hit home. And I want to unpack it here today at the podcast. So what does he really mean about that? And.
for me, it really hit home because the life that I'm living now, I dreamed about 20 years ago. Maybe not all the specifics, but the core part of who I am and the life I'm living. It was just a fantasy. It was a dream. And that's really important to talk about because I'm a huge fan of dreaming. I'm a huge fan of writing down things that you want. I'm a huge fan of
those daily affirmations. I'm a huge fan of eliminating the phrase, I can't from your vocabulary. And I really feel like that's what Jay is talking about. If you are the type of person who's constantly saying, I want something, but you don't actually take the steps to make it happen, then it's never going to happen. But if you truly are a dreamer and you
Cindy (02:23.446)
you wish for things and you take positive action towards those things and you remove phrases like I can't from your vocabulary. Those things in your life will start to happen, but you won't really see them because they're so, it's like this tiny little steps that you take, you know, one step, one foot in front of the other, and eventually you finish the marathon, right? That's how life happens. And this really hit me, gosh, probably 10 or 15 years ago when I realized the power of manifestation.
And when I really realized the power of the bucket list challenge and I'm pretty sure I've done a podcast on the bucket list challenge, but the bucket list challenge is really all about writing down all the things that you want to do before you die. And then actually putting dates on them and making them happen. And I have a whole ebook that I'm happy to share with you. Just send me an email at cindy at cindy-donelson.com. I'll send you the link to the book on how you can do the bucket list challenge. But in any event.
I remember there was a part in my life that it was really tough. was going through a divorce, one that I'd wanted for a really long time, but my ex-husband really battled it for probably five years and just wouldn't leave. And I was going through a lawsuit. I was, I didn't have a pot to piss in. I, my credit score is around 300. I had to liquidate my house and everything to pay off this debt. Cause I lost the lawsuit.
In the midst of that, my dad died and cut me out of the will and I had to do the eulogy. Like it was kind of a hot mess part of my life. And I was sort of homeless. I had to leave the house and then I got an apartment that rented another house because I had two dogs that I really couldn't afford. And that all kind of fell apart. And I ended up sleeping on my sister's couch for like three months while I got my shit together.
I was driving through the city of Torrington, which is fairly close to where I grew up. And the there was, if you drive down what's East Main Street, you kind of hit the center of town. And there's an old shoe store called Howard shoe store that was there when I was a kid. And above it, there are all of these apartments that were in the process of being renovated. And I just like looked at that building and I was like, wouldn't it be great if I could just
Cindy (04:49.204)
live in one of those apartments. Like, wouldn't that be great? A year later, I was living in one of those apartments, and I was one of the first people who had moved into the renovated apartments, first like professional person. They actually did a story on me in the newspaper. I got invited to be part of the Economic Development Commission for the city of Torrington, which I later ended up chairing that commission, and it was all about
I mean, economic development is all about obviously, you know, increasing the businesses that come into town, encouraging small businesses and the people to move there to support all the small businesses. And I was kind of a poster child for that. It was great. And I, the people who owned the buildings at the time were trying to get business owners to rent office space. They gave me a free office space.
And I didn't really see all of that coming together until years later. And I was like, holy shit. Like I dreamt of that, like driving down East Main Street, looking at that building. And to be honest, nobody my age would ever want to live in those buildings. Like they were kind of trashy. They didn't have a great reputation, but for some reason, my mind was like, I want to live in those buildings. Like I want to live in that apartment. And for those of you that don't know, I have never
lived by myself. I went from college to living with my boyfriend that turned into my husband, that turned into my ex-husband. And then, you know, after the divorce, I had a house with my kids and then I moved in with Dave and still living with Dave. So I've never had my own apartment. And I was just, even though I had my kids at that time, they were, they were teenagers. I think my son was probably 15. My daughter was 17, something like that.
But for me, this would have been like my first like real place. The house that I lived in after I lost my house was kind of just this hot mess and it never really felt like home. But this was like my first apartment.
Cindy (06:57.398)
And that lesson is so incredibly powerful because once I realized that I made that happen, I zoomed out what Jay Shetty was talking about. I zoomed out and looked at all those other things in my life that I had intentionally but unintentionally created.
from, and this is kind of all about the bucket list, right? I mean, there were simple, stupid things that I had on my bucket list, things that I wanted to do before I died. One, and somebody just asked me this last night, which kind of goes back to the Bell-Robbins thing. I went to a networking event last night and I ran into, it was a brand new event, so I didn't know anybody except for my friend Avi, who invited me. And there was this one guy, he was a therapist and we just started talking and he was like, what's your story? And I was like, well, you know, I told him about my company, what you do, you know.
when you're in a networking thing. was like, and fun fact, I live full time in my RV traveling and we're coming up on our six year anniversary on July 14th. And he was like, that's fascinating. And I was like, yeah, I'm kind of all about the bucket list. And he was like, so what were the original things on your bucket list? I'm like, well, I wanted to get my kids out of high school without being a grandmother. And I laugh about that now, but it was very true. I mean, my kids could have turned out.
so much worse. mean, they talk about a trauma filled childhood, it was a hot mess. And they turned out to be really good kids with really happy relationships and great jobs. And they just they turned out great. But it could have gone the other way. And I was like, Please, God, just let me get my kids out of high school and not be a grandmother. So check that happened. And I probably you know, I look back at that and I joke about it. But
I had conversations with my kids about sex and birth control and all of that. And it was a very open thing and it wasn't a big deal. It wasn't a big deal. So, and if the kids wanted to go someplace, I'm like, throw all the kids, know, get your friends. I'll, I'll take you to the concert. I will be that mom to trick you around. And if you are ever in a space that you don't feel safe or you drank or whatever, and you can't drive, you call me. And they did. And so we had that really safe space. So that's how that happened. Next thing is like, I just always.
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in the midst of my miserable marriage, I just wanted to find a great guy who was respectful, treated me right, and who loved me. And I found that guy. I wanted to live in a cottage. Dave and I bought a little bungalow. I wanted to travel. We've traveled so much. And when I was, I mean, I grew up in the seventies in high school and I was always enamored with those hippies that had the VW buses and traveled around, you know, with the guitar.
The kumbaya thing, you know, we have an RV and we do that. And I bought David guitar because yeah. So as you zoom out and you can start to connect the dots of things that the difference between the things that you really, really wanted, and then you made intentional little steps to make them happen versus things that, you know, you sorta wanted, but you probably didn't want it badly enough.
and they didn't happen. You know, one of the things that I share a lot appears about my running. You know, my first road race was when I was 45. When I was a teenager, back in the seventies and gym class, they would pick the two, you know, best athletes and they had teams. And I was always the last one chosen. I was not an athlete. And back then the athletes were the cool kids. They were the really cool kids. And I was the nerdy chubby kid.
who you know kickball my god the bruises I have from kickball I was just you know I wasn't the cool kid and I always wanted to be the cool kid in high school and so I actually tried out for the softball team because I wanted to be the cool kid and the the science my science teacher Mr. Shambresco was also the softball coach and he's like Cindy this is just not you like you're really smart that softball it's not you you're not I can put you on the team but you're never going to play and I was like okay like it's not my thing
So becoming a runner was a really big deal for me. And when I finished, you know, my first road race, the first thing, like my first half marathon, I should say, that what I was really thinking is like back to 10th grade when those kids were picking on me and like, see, I'm an athlete. Like I did this. And then finishing a marathon with less than 1 % of 1 % of whatever ever do that. Like, okay, check.
Cindy (11:42.37)
Those kinds of things are really important. So when you dream, like intentionally dream back to the bucket list challenge, and it really starts with intentional dreaming. Like you can do be and have anything in life you want it, if you want it badly enough. And you're willing to do what you got to do to get where you want to go. You hear me say that all the time. It is kind of, it's, what I say to all my clients. It's what I say to, I just say to everybody, like it is my thing. So.
That's what Jay Shetty is talking about. You you are living right now some of the things that you dreamed about. my life right now is like, it's a fairy tale, but I forget that. And that's the second part of what Jay was talking about with Mel Robbins. It's like, we get so hung up in the hamster wheel and we get so hung up in constantly improving and bettering ourselves. And not that that's a bad thing.
but we forget how far we've come and we forget that the life we're living now is something we only fantasized or dreamed about maybe 10 or 15, 20 years ago, or maybe when you were a five year old little kid. Like you have those things because in the back of your mind, those are things that were really important to you and your brain remembered it. Like neuroscience is fascinating. It really is. But we forget. And this is really hard for all of us ADHD people because
I experienced this on vacation all the time. Like I will go to a bucket list place, right? And I've been to a lot of them now. And I get so like brains going so fast on what's next that I forget to slow down and go, my God, like this is a bucket list moment. Like stop the madness in my brain and just enjoy it and realize that I made that happen, which is the huge lesson here, right? You make the things in your life happen. No one's going to come save you.
No one's going to pull you through. Yes, you'll have friends and your family, but until you consciously make the decision to go do the things that you want to do and take action versus just sitting going, want, because I want is not an action thing. It really isn't. You're not telling your brain that this is something that's really important to you. When you say, I'm doing, or at least I'm going to do versus, I want to do that, or I wish, no. That's not how it works.
Cindy (14:07.33)
Dreaming is a really powerful tool. And so I was in this networking meeting last night and I was talking to this therapist and he's like, so how do you do it? I'm like, I write things down and I put them out to the universe. Like when we decided to sell our house and everything, it was kind of just like, it wasn't like this huge thing that we had planned for years I had talked about. was.
you know, we had an RV and we started going down the rabbit hole of learning about RV life. And we didn't even realize that there was a whole subculture of full-time RVers. And we never, it was never on our bingo card to go do that until it was. And then we were like, you want it? And I was like, all right. And we did take about probably four years to, sell the house and figure it all out. Cause there's a lot that goes into being a full-time nomad. If you have
a house that you own and family and a ton of shit. But we did it and we're like, we'll do it for a year. And if I don't like it, we'll just buy another house. And now we're coming up on six years. And people only ask like, what's next? I'm like, we'll probably buy a house someplace, but I don't know where. And I don't have to know that answer. All I know is we will have a house. And I think that the big dilemma in my mind is
Part of me would love to be in a quaint little town that's walkable where I can walk to the coffee shop and walk to the pub and have that camaraderie. And then the other part of me wants to live out in the middle of nowhere with no neighbors with goats and chickens that are just pets and not have a neighbor and be able to just have a hundred acres to myself. Like I love both. Maybe I can have both. I don't know. But those are the things that
I get really clear in my mind about what that perfect, that's really, there's never any perfect, but what that perfect scenario would look like. So that farm, I know exactly what it will look like. So if I see it, when I see it, I'll know it's the one. Same with the little house downtown. Like I know the kind of community that I'd like to be in, that walkable sort of...
Cindy (16:25.646)
and Gilmore Girls, Washington Depot kind of vibe. I actually used to live in Washington Depot for a hot minute where Gilmore Girls was sort of inspired from. For all those people that live in Connecticut, you'll know what I'm talking about. So the homework for y'all this week is to, one, if you're not a dreamer, to start doing that. Write down the things that you want to do. I promise you life is finite.
It is, and you don't know when it's over. You don't. We always think we have more time. I'm telling you, you may not. Like you don't know. You don't know. You could have one day. You could have a hundred days. You could have a thousand days. You could have 50 more years. Like you don't know. So stop putting off until tomorrow what you can do today. Allow yourself to dream. Give yourself that permission to dream.
Give yourself the permission to enjoy the life that you've always wanted because you deserve it. You're worthy of it. You can have it. You can do be and have anything in life you want. If you want it badly enough and you're willing to do what you got to do to get where you want to go. should really get that tattooed on my arm someplace because it's something I say all the time, but to give yourself that permission. And when you feel like you are really not moving forward or you're stuck or maybe you're on the hamster wheel,
This is the Jay Shetty zoom out moment. Zoom out. Look back. Like what are the things in your life that you have accomplished that you only dreamed about 15 years ago? What part of your life now is that fantasy that you like would just sit and pray to God or whomever that, if I could only be in this space or if I could only do this or be that. And now you've done it. It's become your new normal. And you've forgotten.
how badly you wanted it. And you've forgotten all the hard work that you did to get where you want it to be right now. So back to Mel Robbins, I want to share a little story because I love Mel. And I was talking to this guy at a networking event last night and he's like a, he's a coach kind of like I am, but very different personality. And he's also like a, I don't know, an eight.
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time Iron Man finisher or something, really strong personality, as you can imagine. Anybody who can do that many Iron Mans has to have some kind of strong personality. But we were talking about, he had mentioned Mel Robbins and he just didn't look like the Mel Robbins kind of guy, if you know what I mean. Like he seemed more of a Joe Rogan type person, but he was quoting a Mel Robbins podcast. I'm like, I love Mel. And he's like, fun fact, she was my coach for over a year. And so, I mean, I kind of stepped back because
One, I didn't even know that Mel like still did coaching. I thought she was really into speaking, but it turns out, if you know Mel's story, when she stopped being a lawyer and she decided she wanted to be a coach, she went to some kind of a seminar, she saw a coach, she goes, I wanna be that person. And then she started taking steps to make that happen. And it was at a time in her life when her life was just an utter shit show. And I maybe...
bungling this story because it was kind of loud in there. didn't get all the details, but I think he worked for a company who had her come in and speak or something like that, or maybe do a group coaching program. In any event, she was looking for some guinea pigs to coach with her, and he was one of her first coaching students. And he like, I probably could look back and find checks that I've written out to Mel Robbins. And I was like, that is just fascinating. And he was like, she's the real deal.
Like everything she says is the real deal. Like that is her. She's not acting. She's not, you know, making up shit. Like that is her. And I love that about Mel because she, again, brings people like Jay Shetty on her show and she is the real deal. And she's so incredibly vulnerable on her podcast. And this guy confirmed like, yeah, that's what she's like. That's what she's like. And
I think it's important to not compare yourself to people like Mel Robbins, but you can admire things about them and let them model the way. She's an incredible leader. She does all the things that I think leadership is great. She teaches, she challenges, she inspires, and she models the way. Those are my four top things for great leadership.
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If you watch that podcast with her and Jay Shetty, it's great. But she's just sitting there kind of absorbing all the stuff that, well, Jay has this very hypnotic voice anyway. He's just very calming and inspiring just to listen to him. But, and she was almost in this like Zen mode just watching him and soaking it all in. And for her fellow ADHD girl to sit and absorb that is,
you have to have a powerful person on the other side for your brain to actually shut off. And I feel like that was a moment for her. And I think she really was able to kind of zoom out on her life and see the moments where she really wanted things badly enough to do the hard things. And if you've read her booklet, I mean, there's huge
parts of that, you know, where she's done that, like moving to a new place and making friends and, you know, and push, putting herself outside that comfort zone to go do it, do the hard things to get to where you want to go. So again, homework for this week is zoom out, write down the things that you want to do and be intentional about them. And it's really great to kind of look back in your book, in your journal or wherever you write this stuff.
and say, wow, I actually did that. And I encourage, like, if you have kids that are teenagers or college students to have them write those things down now, because when they can look back at that stuff when they're 40, 50, 60, 70, that's when you can really zoom out and see the power of what your mind can do. So that's all I got for today. If you want to learn more about what I do for your business,
and your team, can go to red barn consulting, LLC.com. If you're interested in coaching, do have a few, private coaching spots open. only really select a couple every year because they're intense and I love doing them. And I want to give all of my attention to those people. And you know, I like to keep my calendar sort of free cause I like to travel, but I do have a group coaching program coming up in September. It's called the courage formula.
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foundations class that runs for 12 weeks. If you want more information about that, you can just hit me an email. We can do a, we can set up a zoom call and see if you're right fit. And you can do that at cindy at cindy-donaldson.com. Again, this is a Cindy Donaldson show. I am your host, Cindy Donaldson. I hope that you really are able to zoom out and see all the amazing things that you've actually done in your life that you might've forgotten about. And hopefully it'll inspire to go do more. Have a great day. Bye.
