S3E2 Success Hangover
00:00:00 Cindy Donaldson: Hey there, it's Cindy Donaldson and welcome to The Cindy Donaldson Show. Today we're going to dive right in and I'm going to talk about something that most high achievers Don't really want to talk about that weird deflating anticlimactic moment after you hit a big goal. I call it the success hangover. You know what I mean. You finally cross the finish line, you land the client, you launch the product, you hit the number, and instead of celebrating, you feel kind of numb. Maybe even empty. And before you can even take a breath, you're already chasing the next thing. I felt it more than once. I'm kind of an expert at it. And you've probably felt it too. So let's dig into what's really going on underneath the grind, the goals, and that constant push. It all starts with the high of the chase, and I am, I'm all about the high of the chase. Because as someone whose superpower is ADHD, I love taking on new challenges. To me, there's nothing more exciting than a new hobby, building a new business, launching something. And then I get halfway through it and I'm like, oh, this is tough. This is tough. But I get so focused on the end goal that I forget to enjoy the journey. There's this electric rush that comes when you're all in. You've got tuned in vision, you're up early, you're lit up with the possibilities, you're brainstorming, you're building, you're showing up like a badass on a mission. That feeling, that momentum, that aliveness, it's addictive. It is so incredibly addictive. It's why so many of us fall in love with the grind. We love the chase because it makes us feel purposeful and powerful. Like we're becoming the next version of ourselves. Like we're proving to the world and maybe to ourselves. That were capable, powerful, and worthy. But that's where it gets really, really, really tricky. You hit the goal, you did the thing, and instead of the euphoric, like, celebration you imagined, there's this uncomfortable stillness. You feel flat. Maybe even disconnected. Like you should feel proud, but instead you're already thinking, now what? That's the success hangover because the truth is you weren't chasing the outcome. You were chasing the feeling of becoming the feeling of the outcome. And now that the chase is over, you're left with the silence. No adrenaline, no urgency, no dopamine hits, just the quiet discomfort of being with yourself without the mission. I mean, there's, if you're a long distance runner and I'm a retired one, I ran my last race January of 2020 and had some knee surgery after that and had to quit, but I ran my first race when I was forty-five It was a five miler. And most runners will get this. Like you spend so much time focused on the training. It's all plotted out. You know what you have to eat. You know what time you have to get up. You know how many miles you have to put in. And it becomes part of your life. And especially with like a long distance or an ultra marathon, like let's just take a regular 26.2 marathon by the time. You're doing those twenty mile long runs. You are second guessing your life choices. At least I was like, I hated it. I'm out and I'm not a fast runner. So I'm out there by myself for five hours going, what the hell was I thinking? And then the day of the race, you know, you hit that wall. Most runners will hit the wall eighteen to twenty miles and you are really second guessing and all you want to do is just get to the end. You're not enjoying the moment. You're not enjoying the crowd. At least for me, I wasn't. And then you get to the end of the race, you get your medal, and then it's kind of this anticlimactic, oh. And yeah, you get the medal, you go out for a beer, you celebrate. And then the next morning you wake up and you realize you don't have a training schedule. You don't have to do anything. And instead of wallowing in the fact, not wallowing, instead of like really embracing the fact that you did something amazing, you're sort of wallowing in this, what am I going to do next? Do, and so you sign up for another race and you start that cycle all over again. And then you're like, you're doing the training, you're doing the grind, you're doing the grind. And you don't ever stop to say, wow, I just ran a race or you get hung up on. Gee, you know, I, I didn't hit the mileage I want. I didn't finish on the time that I wanted. Now I know a lot of you, Have figured out how to enjoy it. I'm talking to the people who are like me, who get so hung up on the high of it that we don't slow down to, to smell the coffee, to enjoy the metal. And here's the thing, like we are, we are so told to enjoy the journey, but most of us don't. And hell, I preach this to my clients all the time. Like, you know, life is too short. Enjoy the journey. Don't get hung up on the end goal so much. You know, just stay in your lane and be in the moment. And it's really, really difficult. We rush through it like we're late for something. We plow ahead, measuring worth in output and hustle. And when we finally arrive, we realize we were so focused on getting there, we didn't actually experience the getting. We didn't experience anything. We didn't pause. We didn't breathe. We didn't let joy in because we were too busy proving something. What that proving is sometimes I don't even know. But that's what kind of makes that wind so hollow. It's not the, it's not that the goal didn't matter. I mean, training for a marathon or launching a company or losing fifty pounds or making your first million, like it all matters. It's that you were never really with yourself while you were building it. You were, it was just this push, push, push. So. For me, like, you know, the running analogy is something that most people can understand. But for me, I kind of do this in every part of my life, including being on vacation. I can remember going to Italy, which was a huge thing on my bucket list, and Dave warned me not to put too much into the schedule, but I wanted to like see it all. I was standing in the Colosseum and what I should have been doing was saying, wow, like I'm standing in the same spot that Julius Caesar could, but I was so intent on seeing everything. In the Colosseum and getting to the next place, I never really did that. It's kind of like when I went to the Louvre in Paris. Okay, Mona Lisa, check. It was a lot of people and then I bailed. I didn't like sit there and go, oh my god, I'm looking at the Mona Lisa. And it's been such a pattern in my life. And part of that is, I think, because I do have ADHD and my brain just doesn't slow down. But it's also, I think, part of being a survivor. And this constant push like you, you can't let your foot off the gas. You have to keep going because if you let your foot off the gas, something bad is going to happen. And I can promise you that. It's not a really great way to live. Like I've missed out on a lot of joy in things and I get really hung up on kind of how I'm doing it along the way. You know, like when I first started running, I used to get very frustrated because I would compare myself to other runners and, and Dave would tell me it doesn't matter. And it took me, um, a lot of races of being at the back of the pack and getting this anxiety of going to races. And when I ran, I think my last, no, it wasn't my last half marathon, but we were at the Urban Bourbon Half Marathon in Louisville, Kentucky. I signed up because they had the best after party and by far it was. And Dave was a gated runner. He was a pretty fast runner. So he ran. He was in his gate ahead of me. And typically he runs at the back of the pack with me. But for this one, he ran by himself. And I went to the back and there was this like eighty-five year old woman who was with me and she could tell I was like looking nervous. And she's like, what's the matter? I'm like, I don't know. I'm really nervous. And she's like. Honey, I am eighty-five years old. If I finish this race, it's a win. And if I don't, it's still a win because I'm going to go to the party after. It doesn't matter. Just go have some fun. And I think for the first time, And I never really considered myself an athlete either, but for the first time I did consider myself an athlete. And she reminded me, she goes, a lot of people You know, my age wouldn't even have the nerve to get out here and do that, right? And I was in my 50s at the time and I was like, you know, you're right, you're right. And the, the horn went off. They, they played like the bugle like they would at Churchill Downs. The bugle went off and we started running. And I finished the race, I think in three hours and five minutes or something. And it was fun and it was like for the first time I really didn't care how fast I ran or what I did and I really kind of enjoyed the moment except for one really big hill that I didn't know was there. And if I knew I was there, I probably would have had some anxiety because I don't like running up hills. But the point of the matter is... We just get so focused on how good we're doing, on hitting all the KPIs, comparing ourselves to other people, that we forget that if we just slow down, some of that shit just doesn't matter and you really should have fun. So, I mean, the thrill of the chase, yeah, it's there and I'm not saying let go of it because it is really exciting. If you were like me and it's all about the thrill of the chase and then you get halfway through it and you're like, oh, I don't want to do this anymore, but you grind through to get to the end. And you don't celebrate that win or you don't celebrate the journey. You don't pat yourself on a back on your back for a job well done. Then you're missing the whole point of life. And at sixty almost sixty-three years old, like, this is, I still struggle with this. And I know it. Like, I recognize it. I coach around it. I speak about it. I write about it. And I still catch myself doing it. And if you read a recent email, I talked about how I acquired this business in January, a promotional products company. And the guys in my mastermind group who are all brilliant business people, Have convinced me that this is a multi-million dollar profitable business that I could build and sell. That they could sell it for me for multiple, multiple seven figures. And I was like, okay, I can do that. I have the talent to build that. But I know me if I if I say I'm going to do it, I will do it and the grind will be crazy. And is it something that I really want to do? Like part of me is so excited about that, but I also know the other dark side of it is that I'll become obsessed with it. And I may not enjoy the journey. So that's kind of where, that's kind of how this podcast even happened because this has really been on my mind. I'm like living in the moment with this. Crazy juxtaposition that is my life. Like I, half of me loves to be a hippie girl sitting, you know, looking at the Tetons drinking a beer in my dirty hiking clothes. And the other part of me wants to build a multi-million dollar company and network with, you know, really brilliant people and build. And finding that balance for me has always been hard. I've spent years in therapy and coaching. And every time I meet with a new coach or a new therapist and they ask you, so why are you here? And I always say, I want to learn how to just be. I've never been able to master that. Now again, I was diagnosed with ADHD in my mid-40s, so it explains a lot of why my brain doesn't stop and allow me to just be, but you can learn the skills to do it. I think the other part is I was a survivor for many years and survivors have a hard time thriving. We, we are conditioned to keep pushing. So behind the chase, really important fun. Yeah. But you have to, when you get to the end, you gotta, you gotta enjoy the moment. So I want to talk about, because there's, there's, this part of it, the success hangover is definitely a personal thing. You know, whatever goal you're doing, you can experience it, but it also trickles down to teams and businesses. And I've worked with a lot of companies who are going through major changes, be it a merger and acquisition, you have a new boss coming in, you have a new project, and you as the leader need to rally the troops to get this done. And you're pushing your team hard. You've empowered them. You've, you know that they're capable. You give them all the support you need, all that they need. And when you finally hit the goal, So many leaders are like, oh, check, we got that done. Oh, and here's the next KPI we need to tackle. And the team is like, are you kidding me? Like, I need a day off. And so when you're in that constant grind as a leader, teams fall apart pretty quickly. I've seen such attrition in teams. Like people are just like, I can't do this anymore. Like the stress and the pressure is just way, way too much. And it's kind of the crash that you often don't expect whether it's like a personal thing or with your team. You get high on the process and Not just the progress, though. So the chase feels incredible, but you don't need to white-knuckle your way through everything. You have to find ways to enjoy the becoming while you're in the motion. So if you... If you were leading the team, right, and you have, you've got to take it easy on them. Like you just can't push constantly. You have to make some space for that afterglow. You have to stop rushing to the next thing. You need to let the win land and you need to let the team and yourself enjoy that win. Savor the pause. Reflect. Integrate. And that's where the true wisdom is built in it. I think that's where, you know, when I was at in that race and I was talking to the eighty-five year old woman. Like sometimes you have to hit rock bottom and I feel like that was a rock bottom for me kind of racing the night before I was just so anxious about that race. And I typically don't drink the night before race, but I remember I was like, I need to have a bourbon. Like, I just need to calm down or I'm not going to sleep. And the anxiety was crazy. Cause what's the worst thing that would have happened to me in that race? I just DNF, you know, a do not finish thing. Like who cares? So you have to really step back and redefine success as a felt experience, not just the metal at the end, Not just like, oh, we knocked this off our to-do list, but really as a felt experience. Not just a number, not just a checkbox, but a way of being aligned, like lit up and really intentional. If you're leading a team or running a business, this applies to you and your people. And if you're creating a culture where the only thing that matters is the next result, then you're going to lose. You will lose. You might win a few of the battles, but you will not win the war on this one. Like, or are you building a rhythm where your team can feel the win, not just check the box? Like really feel it. Kind of like me in that race. Like when I crossed the finish line for that race, I was like, I felt it for the first time. I was like, oh, This is like kind of that high of crossing the finish line and getting the medal and the time was the slowest half marathon I had run and I didn't care. Like for the first time, I just didn't care. And it was, it was magical. It was magical. So if you're leading a team, I have a little challenge for you. Celebrate the climb, not just the summit. Give space for recovery, not just the momentum and model what it looks like to chase with joy. Like this always comes back to the top. When you're leading a team, like if you are not taking, you know, a day to enjoy it, then the rest of your team is going to model that. They're going to think, oh, well, you know, I can't. I can't rest on my laurels because Joe the boss is just on to the next thing and I don't want to get fired. So you have to arrive with presence. You have to be in that moment of joy with presence. And the same thing goes in your own personal life, right? If, you know, you are constantly in that grind and it's always the next thing, like you're in the Coliseum and you... Aren't stopping to just enjoy the fact that you are in Rome in one of the most historical places on earth. And you're always on to the next thing. You're doing a disservice to yourself. You're breaking a promise to yourself. And you're teaching yourself to not stop and smell the coffee. Or in this case, smell the wine in Rome. Like, you're just not doing it and you're missing out on so much. You're conditioning yourself to just live in that success hangover over and over and over again. If you've been with me for a hot minute, you know that I've completed everything on my original bucket list, all those things I want to do before I die. And most people are pretty fascinated with that fact. I'm pretty fascinated with it. It's, it's a pretty cool thing to say. And it's true. I have done that. But I became sort of obsessed with this bucket list of just checking things off. Like I have a, you know, I have a book. When we're traveling in the RV, I have these things like we got to go do this, we got to do this, and I find like we're doing things just to check them off the list. Now sometimes that's really cool. I do want to go to all the national parks, and I would love to check them all off my list, but It's not like this big rush anymore. I want to go to the parks and I want to enjoy them. And you know, if I don't check something off the list, it's okay. I'd rather enjoy the moment and check fewer things off the list than have a huge checklist and not have enjoyed any of it. So take that concept now and bring it back to your team at work. I mean, just think about it. Wouldn't it be better to have a happy team with less stuff checked off so you have less attrition Happier team means usually a better bottom line, better customer experience, happier board members, happier stockholders. It all comes down to the team. Check less things off and enjoy the moments more. It's life-changing. It's life-changing. Completely life-changing. It, you know, if you've ever felt like, you know, you're constantly climbing a mountain and I remember saying this to my therapist once that I, um, I sometimes feel like I'm climbing Mount Everest. Over and over again and I get two feet from the top and I'm never able to plant my flag there. I'm never able to take the selfie at the top with the Sherpas. I train, I do everything right, I'm climbing, I'm climbing, and then at the top I'm like treading snow and I can't get there. And it comes back to This point where you have complete burnout of the success hangover that maybe you're not hitting some goals because Maybe you've already hit them and you're not realizing it. That's one thing. Just accomplishing the fact that you got almost to the top of Mount Everest is incredible, right? So you could be accomplishing a hell of a lot more goals than you think and you're not giving yourself credit for it. You're pushing yourself way too hard and so you don't have the juice at the end to get to the top. Like you have incredible burnout and especially if you have a brain like mine where you love that chase, you love the beginning part. In the middle of the rope process thing gets exhausting and you can lose steam to get to the end and the only thing driving you to the end is checking it off the list. Some things You will just say, you know what? It's just, I can't. It's not worth checking it off the list because you've just pushed too hard. So Instead of trying to climb Mount Everest in, like, you know, one trek, maybe you spread that out over several treks, right? Um, and people do this like another analogy is like kind of hiking the Appalachian Trail. At sixty-two doing a through hike, I don't think I want to do that at my age. It's not appealing. Because it is, that is a grind to take several months to go from Georgia to Maine. And it's not easy, it's hard. So a lot of people break it up and they just do it state by state. Like they'll hike everything in Georgia and then they'll hike everything, you know, in Virginia. They'll hike everything in Maine. And then you get all the states done and you've completed the Appalachian Trail without the burnout. It's kind of the same thing. So I kind of, I want to leave you with this. So the next time you feel the success hangover is setting in, know this, you're not broken. You're just ready to do it differently. You're ready to experience the whole journey. The rush and the rest. The stretch and the stillness. The high and just the being. Just the average breathe normal thing. Not gasping for air going up the mountain or, you know, running a four minute mile. Like it's okay to take time and be at the back of the pack and walk a little bit. You're ready to build a life and a business that doesn't just look good from the outside but actually feels right on the inside. The success hangover is incredibly real. Sadly, I'm an expert at it and it's a journey. Like, I'm learning to recognize when it's happening and And because I am very aware of the success, the success hangover, I also have a little fear of success because Again, going back to this business that I acquired, like, I know that I have the resources, I have the intelligence, I have the people around me who can help me get there. I can build it to a multi-million dollar company. But the success hangover in the middle of that just scares the hell out of me. And so mentally, I'm just not there yet. I'm working on it. My, my little, my guys in my mastermind group are like, come on, Cindy, you've got this. And part of me is like, yeah, I got it. Totally got it. I find it incredibly intriguing. And then another part is like, yes, Cindy, I don't, I don't know if I'm ready for the success hangover yet. So anyway. Be wary of it. Be wary of it and next time that you feel like you're grinding and you finish something huge and when it's over, you're like, well, shit. That, it's... That wind didn't feel like I thought it was gonna feel like. You got the medal around your neck. You did the big goal. You lost a hundred pounds. You married the love of your life, whatever it is. And if you're feeling like, oh, You know, the day after the wedding, you're like, oh, that was a big party. And then real life sets in again. And you find yourself kind of craving that high and you're not celebrating where you are. You have a success hangover. Recognize it. Step back. Take a deep breath and realize that you've got this. You're not broken. So have a great day, guys, and we'll see you next week. Bye.
